An imitation Christ

A spider just descended upon me. From above. It was white. Long-legged. Delicately brushing my bangs. A fucking horror. I yelled. So very loudly. I hope the neighbors didn't hear. When I was young, I once yelled because a spider was crawling toward my foot. The neighbors called the police, who came and circled the house, guns drawn. Their response was admirable, but I do not think they fully understood the gravity of the situation when explained to them after they verified my safety. This was similar, only worse. The spider touched me. It brushed me. It was soon dead on the floor beneath my Shaq shoe. It broke the treaty. I suspect it was offended by a post of mine from September, 2006 which I had just read only a half hour earlier. Who are you? What do you want?